The cows have to be cold.

So I've been walking, third day today.  I've gotten up to a whole hour of walking.  Its interesting, and I get a chance to listen to some podcasts and think and relax.  But I'm so sore.  Soooo sore.

I'm listening to Prelude to War again.  I've been able to listen to it repeatedly for who knows how many times now.  I love this fraking song.  It's disturbing how much I like this song.

I know I've let you down.  And I've known for a while.  Which has made the cycle of despair and regret to allow me to do worse.  I kind of stopped trying, I suppose.  I could tell you what I've told myself, that work was tough, and school was rough this semester, and I also didn't have anytime for myself and whatever else, but the truth is I stopped trying at somepoint.  I don't think the problems are all your fault, or even mostly.  I stopped trying, and I stopped... I don't know how to describe it, but when I realized how bad things were, we were already a mess, school was faltering, and I didn't know how to stop it.

So I guess it comes down to trying to try again.  And this is the point where Yoda pops up with a helpful Do or Do not bit.  So I shall do.  And I will fail.  Because it is hard, and I'm not good at this, at improving myself.  But what I want to do this time is to get up and do again after I fail.   And I'm sure that you will kick my ass a few times when I need it.

I hope you know I love you.  I will always love you.   I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me.  I'm sorry you couldn't tell me what was wrong.  I'm not sorry I lost your trust, because I deserved it; I'm going to just work to regain it.

There are things in my life that are broken, in ways that are not good for me;I'm wanting to fix them.  

- Our relationship is the priority on that list.  

-My health, weight, etc is on that list.  I'm horrible about it, but I will start and I will try, and I make no promises or goals, other than to try everyday.  

-School is also something I need to do better, and I have plans for that which begun before the school year was out.  The sad thing about that is that the grades I got were almost a relief, since I was fearing worse.  

-I need to resolve the rift between myself and my parents.  This doesn't mean that they will be a part of lives again, or that they won't.  I don't see them ever being a part of our lives again, but I need to resolve this, because it weighs on me, and I don't want it to, but it does, and the longer it has, the more it has.  I don't talk about it because ... well, you know why.  But I'm going to have to solve this, because I need to move on.  

- There is a small bump on the bunny, but it hasn't grown at all since I discovered it.  I check on it every night, and its the same size.  But in march when he goes in for a checkup it should be looked at.

Ok, I'm off to do laundry.

Dp 122408

Common Theme: sneaking up

This post has a soundtrack which is in no way related to the contents, but just is awesome.

Its hard to believe that the year is almost over.  It seems like the semester was just begining, and thats spring 08 semester I refer, not spring 09.  I guess its hard to imagine a way to describe the passage of time, but it really is like holding sand in your hand, it just slips through and before you know you can be aware of its passage, its gone.

This semester was highly dissapointing, for many reasons, most of which had to do with letting myself be distracted by what I thought was wrong.  OR maybe it was wrong, and I just tried to deal with it and somehow that wasn't the way to solve it.  Along the way I lost track of things, and let school slip.  I guess I didn't realize how fast the semester went till it was over.  I'm going to have to focus this semester to make up this ground I lost.  

Dash has informed me its quarter till midnight, quarter till christmas.  I don't know how I feel about Christmas this year, it kind of came out of nowhere and hit as well.   I 'got' Button her tragus piercing for christmas, but otherwise we sucked at doing christmas this year.

I just emptied out the bottle of wine I started when I got home around 6:30.  I suppose since it took me 4-5 hours to drink it I shouldn't feel too bad in the morning.  I dunno.  I've spent the night playing on the internet, not exactly the Norman Rockwell Christmas Eve Special, I know.  Button went to a party and hung out with Sis tonight.  I don't know if she can understand why I get upset when she does this.  I guess I don't either, except I do.  I'm lonely.  And I just want her to be here to lighten my world.  I don't want to take away her friends, but ...  I dunno... I suppose I need to make friends.  

For the record, this was really great wine.  Good flavor.  

I'm listening to the Battlestar Galactica soundtrack for Season 3.  Really good stuff.  Season two was awesome as well.  PRelude to War is totes the greatest, but the whole thing has been really good.  I need to get these songs.  I want to listen to them more, some of it is truly great stuff.  The rest is just averagly amazingly awesome.

So, Button texted that she should be leaving soon, and if all the gifts are wrapped its straight to coon, which will be an issue since none of the gifts are wrapped.  

Merry Christmas, Button!

I love you!

Just wrong!

Am I the only one who gets really annoyed when they put baby jesus in the nativity scene before christmas?? I mean, seriously, ITS JUST WRONG . I know the irony of the atheist pointing out this detail, but come on people, get your shit together.
On my way the two finals that will suck in new and creative ways and will make my day suck. There will be brain jello-fication today. Also, I'm thinking wine with dinner tonight. Some sort of pain reducing libation. Beer is always good, too.
Back to supervalu; mathmatically I suppose i have traveled nowhere. Gotta love math for its just plain wierdness. And amth for telling me that the busses tires are spinning due to the coefficient of friction being lowered to almost nothing due to the ice. Before physics I knew that as well, but now I see it in terms of friction and mass and thier vectors, and i'm so ready for a break.
Jello-fication. (v. trans-): the action of ones brains changing to a warm jellomold due to the overstimulation and neuron decay of multiple finals on the same day. See: suicide-by-test.

Bwahahahahaha!!!

This is the absolute funniest, almost a wet christmas dream, thing I've seen in a very long time.

On the flip side, We now have two consecutive govenors in jail.  At the same time.  Fucking awesome.

DP 120808

The Post-Test Haggle. Points to be had, however they may be gotten.

O_o

Particles of zinc are mixed with an electrolyte (usually potassium hydroxide solution); water and oxygen from the air react at the cathode and form hydroxyls which migrate into the zinc paste and form zincate (Zn(OH)₄^2-), at which point electrons are released and travel to the cathode. The zincate decays into zinc oxide and water is released back into the system. The water and hydroxyls from the anode are recycled at the cathode, so the water serves only as a catalyst. The reactions produce a maximum voltage level of 1.65 volts, but this is reduced to 1.4–1.35 V by reducing air flow into the cell; this is usually done for hearing aid batteries to reduce the rate of water drying out. (Wikipedia)

Whats scary?  That paragraph makes sense.  I did learn something this semester!!

Bwahahaha

So, not counting 'attendance points' (wtf?), if I don't show up to the final (which I would, obviously, but you know) I would still get a solid C.  Without even taking the final.  Bwahahaha!!  Now if only freaking physics could have worked out more that way...

DP 120708

The Trains of Granite City have made the commute to work an occasional hell. I loathe them unlike any other that I have loathed.

42.6...

So I, being the google fanatic I am, set up my Google Health profile last night.  Plug in my information, link it to the prescriptions I've gotten at WAG, and .. well, thats all, really.  But then I'm playing with it today because it finally linked my prescription history to the site, and I notice they've ever so helpfully calculated my BMI for me.  Oh.  Yay.  42.6.  

So anyways, I have got to do better.  For the non-existant kids I may never have.  For my very existant wife, who I want to spend as much time as I can with.  And for myself, I suppose.  I need to find a path to doing this.  I will do it.  Somehow.

So my plan is this: 1) Begin to plan meals, and my life.  Running late is making poor choices.  I need to start getting up earlier and planning my life better.  This will actually make my life better all around better.  2) I need to give up soda again.   3) I will find a way to begin using the rec and excersisng.  See Section 1.  4) I can do this.

DP 120608

Random Bunneh Cuteness!!!

DP 120408

Why Eric does well in Physics...

DP 120108

Radioactivity is fun!