Saturday, May 24, 2008

My wife, my hero...

So my wife is wanting to volunteer again, possibly helping women who have been raped. Perhaps i've just gotten so used to her volunteering that I just dont realize what an amazing person she is. I don't know anyone who is as interested in helping people as she is. I have always been one to stay aloof from other people, but she has such a hige heart, and I guess sometimes I take it for granted.
My wife is as she has washer and I take it for granted - my phone wrote that line for me with sugested text. Sometimes technology has a growth delay...

On an unrelated subject...

3 A's, 2 B's in school. 3.7 semester, 3.6 cum GPA.

Yeah, I rocked it.

Life is what happens when you're making plans....

So, the cloud is lifting. Its not gone, but its rolling back. My bouts of depression seem to ebb and flow, and I still have no idea of how to control them, or why they happen. In many ways, its so hard to explain how it is to feel this way. I can feel it coming on, and I try to not let it hit me, to ignore it, but it rolls in, and I feel so... distant. And then things that shouldn't bother me find ways to wiggle into my brain. And I want them to not to. I want to be the happy person I am when I'm not consumed by the cloud.

Maybe its stress, maybe its chemicals. Maybe its choices made, I don't know. I just wish I could make it stop.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

isolation

I don't know how to handle the increasing feelings of loneliness i feel coming over me. I feel alone so completely and I just want it to be over. I just want it, everything to end. I hate to say i feel suicidal, but i think i understand how someone who is feels. Maybe button would be happier if i was gone and wasnt burden to her life. And other than her, who would note my absence? The world wouldn't. My parents wouldn't. I dunno...