Coolness...

So I went to the United States Post Office today to get stamps, and I asked the magic question - "What do you have that is interesting?".  And I did...

Powered by ScribeFire.

The amazing thing is...

The reason I know we're going to work is the fact that we can always talk. Eventually we talk, and we sort things out. We steady each other in a way that reinforces each other, and ourselves.

I think thats why I never worry about us and our future together. In the end we find each other, for better or worse, and we steady each other. We are always there in the end for each other.

After our talk today, I feel as if a great weight has been lifted off of me. I know that we will make it through The Debacle and School and Life, because we will have each other; and in the end, I dont need anything else.

I found my lighthouse, and her name is Button. And I'm a lucky guy.

I love you so much, roo.

Ah... school

So I've gone and done everything now. I've sent my entire finacial history, swore I was an Illinois resident, and signed up for placement tests...

So now what?

I'm not for certain.

We need to find a place to live.

We need to get married.

And I need to figure out how to pay for it all.

*sigh*

I just dont know what to do anymore.

And now I cant seem to get good sleep anymore. I just wake up feeling so tired. I dont know what to do to change this, but I need to.

On the flip side, I'm slowly feeling better internally. I can usually mask it better than I did before, but I still feel it, especially when I'm alone. I guess the only thing to do is to keep going onward.

Much like moving our life away from this place, where our love took root and blossomed. Yeah, that was cheezy, but I'm feeling cheezy.

I want to love on her. I want to feel that emotional connection. But she doesnt. And I try to tell myself its not that she doesnt love me or that she's whatever, but it still hurts. I miss that connection we had. And I dont know how to get that back either.

Commencement

Button graduated today. Its amazing how fast time flies. It was just yesterday I had just met this amazing freshman and now she's an aluring and intelligent alum.

I guess that gives me hope for the future in a way I never thought of. Maybe school wont last for ever. Maybe we'll start our lives for real... not for real, I suppose... maybe we'll finally settle down sooner than it seems. Maybe tomorrow will be here sooner that it seems.

Dawn never seems to be here until you suddenly look up and there it is. I guess thats a good metaphor for life too.

Maybe it will all work out.

Once the damned wedding is over, and we get back to living our lives, of course.

...

I feel suicidal.

I'm not actually suicidal.

I guess thats an important difference. I feel tired of it all. I just want to be at peace, want to not be lost in the void that is my mind these days. I dont want to have to fake being happy anymore, and I dont want to see happy people.

I guess the thought of going to a desert isle with just The Bun and Button is the best one yet. All alone, away from the whole world.

I'm tired.

I tired of the world.

I'm tired of feeling alone, and left behind.