I'm listening to Prelude to War again.  I've been able to listen to it repeatedly for who knows how many times now.  I love this fraking song.  It's disturbing how much I like this song.

I know I've let you down.  And I've known for a while.  Which has made the cycle of despair and regret to allow me to do worse.  I kind of stopped trying, I suppose.  I could tell you what I've told myself, that work was tough, and school was rough this semester, and I also didn't have anytime for myself and whatever else, but the truth is I stopped trying at somepoint.  I don't think the problems are all your fault, or even mostly.  I stopped trying, and I stopped... I don't know how to describe it, but when I realized how bad things were, we were already a mess, school was faltering, and I didn't know how to stop it.

So I guess it comes down to trying to try again.  And this is the point where Yoda pops up with a helpful Do or Do not bit.  So I shall do.  And I will fail.  Because it is hard, and I'm not good at this, at improving myself.  But what I want to do this time is to get up and do again after I fail.   And I'm sure that you will kick my ass a few times when I need it.

I hope you know I love you.  I will always love you.   I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me.  I'm sorry you couldn't tell me what was wrong.  I'm not sorry I lost your trust, because I deserved it; I'm going to just work to regain it.

There are things in my life that are broken, in ways that are not good for me;I'm wanting to fix them.  

- Our relationship is the priority on that list.  

-My health, weight, etc is on that list.  I'm horrible about it, but I will start and I will try, and I make no promises or goals, other than to try everyday.  

-School is also something I need to do better, and I have plans for that which begun before the school year was out.  The sad thing about that is that the grades I got were almost a relief, since I was fearing worse.  

-I need to resolve the rift between myself and my parents.  This doesn't mean that they will be a part of lives again, or that they won't.  I don't see them ever being a part of our lives again, but I need to resolve this, because it weighs on me, and I don't want it to, but it does, and the longer it has, the more it has.  I don't talk about it because ... well, you know why.  But I'm going to have to solve this, because I need to move on.  

- There is a small bump on the bunny, but it hasn't grown at all since I discovered it.  I check on it every night, and its the same size.  But in march when he goes in for a checkup it should be looked at.

Ok, I'm off to do laundry.

So, I've become a complete dorkus maximus with my complete linkage of my mobile phone calendar to Outlook to google calendar, so I can full use them to keep track of whats due when during the school year. Bwahahhahahaha!! Flipping crazy, man.

Lil' Buddy isn't running, again. I fear this time he may not come back. Trying to drive up the hill on 157 over 270 may have done him in. I've never heard my car run that hard before. I'm waiting to hear what the mechanics say, hopefully tommorow.

I enjoy taking the bus places, and if I can, I plan to take the bus as much as possible this coming semester. I figure I can take it on most days that I don't work, which should be Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I figure I can take the 13 in on Mon/Tue on the 7:13am bus, so I'm always at my labs on time, nay early. I can get some coffee, perhaps finish the prelab, etc. I'll be at school all those days, then take the 19 to Edwardsville, and then hang out till Button gets off work and go home with her, or she can pick me up at Wal-Mart or something along those lines.

I want to begin to blog more often, especially during the school year. I think having Dash will enable me to do so.

I need to go to bed, so we can get up early and go for a walk. I want to try to make it a jog, but we'll see. I'm slowly becoming increasingly disgusted with my dietary choices as of late, and need to straighten my path.

Also, The Dark Knight is coming out soon. Just sayin'....