So, I've become a complete dorkus maximus with my complete linkage of my mobile phone calendar to Outlook to google calendar, so I can full use them to keep track of whats due when during the school year. Bwahahhahahaha!! Flipping crazy, man.

Lil' Buddy isn't running, again. I fear this time he may not come back. Trying to drive up the hill on 157 over 270 may have done him in. I've never heard my car run that hard before. I'm waiting to hear what the mechanics say, hopefully tommorow.

I enjoy taking the bus places, and if I can, I plan to take the bus as much as possible this coming semester. I figure I can take it on most days that I don't work, which should be Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I figure I can take the 13 in on Mon/Tue on the 7:13am bus, so I'm always at my labs on time, nay early. I can get some coffee, perhaps finish the prelab, etc. I'll be at school all those days, then take the 19 to Edwardsville, and then hang out till Button gets off work and go home with her, or she can pick me up at Wal-Mart or something along those lines.

I want to begin to blog more often, especially during the school year. I think having Dash will enable me to do so.

I need to go to bed, so we can get up early and go for a walk. I want to try to make it a jog, but we'll see. I'm slowly becoming increasingly disgusted with my dietary choices as of late, and need to straighten my path.

Also, The Dark Knight is coming out soon. Just sayin'....

The Great Quiet...

Being on campus during the summer is weird. Its so quiet and bright and empty. Not what my school usually is.

I'm thinking this semester I need to post more often. Just little posts throughout the day.

Also, I'm wanting to get into some more classical rock, the history of rock and expand my horizons a bit more. I need to find a good list of music to start with, I suppose.

My wife, my hero...

So my wife is wanting to volunteer again, possibly helping women who have been raped. Perhaps i've just gotten so used to her volunteering that I just dont realize what an amazing person she is. I don't know anyone who is as interested in helping people as she is. I have always been one to stay aloof from other people, but she has such a hige heart, and I guess sometimes I take it for granted.
My wife is as she has washer and I take it for granted - my phone wrote that line for me with sugested text. Sometimes technology has a growth delay...

On an unrelated subject...

3 A's, 2 B's in school. 3.7 semester, 3.6 cum GPA.

Yeah, I rocked it.

Life is what happens when you're making plans....

So, the cloud is lifting. Its not gone, but its rolling back. My bouts of depression seem to ebb and flow, and I still have no idea of how to control them, or why they happen. In many ways, its so hard to explain how it is to feel this way. I can feel it coming on, and I try to not let it hit me, to ignore it, but it rolls in, and I feel so... distant. And then things that shouldn't bother me find ways to wiggle into my brain. And I want them to not to. I want to be the happy person I am when I'm not consumed by the cloud.

Maybe its stress, maybe its chemicals. Maybe its choices made, I don't know. I just wish I could make it stop.

isolation

I don't know how to handle the increasing feelings of loneliness i feel coming over me. I feel alone so completely and I just want it to be over. I just want it, everything to end. I hate to say i feel suicidal, but i think i understand how someone who is feels. Maybe button would be happier if i was gone and wasnt burden to her life. And other than her, who would note my absence? The world wouldn't. My parents wouldn't. I dunno...

i'm so tired of feeling alone.

022808

Why yes, this did have something to do with Philosophy. How did you guess?

A little secret...

I'm tempted by the Philosophy Degree. I'm so very tempted. I think I enjoy philosophy. I really think I do. And I know its just because I know I'm going to have to go for a third year of pre-pharm before I can apply and I am just so tempted by this. I need to take more Philosophy classes already! Arg. I dunno what to do.

DP 0225

Chem 125a Lab - Titrations if I recall correctly.

Well Holy Crap...

So actually went and worked out today at the rec center. It was wierd. And nice. I ate healthy as well!

So there!

School Updates

Button List Style:

-I'm sitting in Philosophy, which I was really excited about, till I got here. The class doesn't have a lot of meat on its bones, so to speak. And really nothing to actually *discuss*. ITs all definitions, and then how they reach those thoughts. There's nothing to think about, and nothing to discuss. So I suppose thats the problem with why the class doesn't discuss anything.. There doesn't seem much to actually discuss. I'd love to have Dr. Littman in another class, to see how it goes there. I dunno...

-I got an 96 on my Precalc test! Whooo! Hoo! I got a A on my Chem test, after the curve, but I ran out of time, which is why there was a curse, so sweet deal. Would have had an perfect on the PRecalc if I'd just paid a bit more attention. Dammit!

-ITs freaking cold out.

- My Chem lab is going ok, but I am slowly coming to really dislike Dennis the TA. Grrr...

Social Deficinacy

The more I'm around people, the more I realize that I have no idea how to be with people. I have no understanding of how to intergrate into a group of people with no connections to me ... or .. .I don't know. I can manage to do it at work, and I suppose its not as bad as I would describe it, but still... I feel like I'm at a deficit when it comes to social situations. I dunno...

Mismashing the two previous entries...

I've had some of the discussions covered in the book with my mom before. Well, I talked. She ignored. But still... I want to be different. I want to talk with my kids. Discuss things. Make them think.

Vowage:

In class today Dr. Littman was talking about the importance of staying up with the readings, and I realized that I've not really read almost any of the readings for this semester, and really, not in any class yet. Which is a dangerous thing for me, since I'm just a little too intellectually snobbish, and would be really likely to just let it slide. So I need to make a personal vow:

I, Steven E. Dick, do vow to read the readings. Every one. And write a paper of at least half page on each reading, stating topic(s) covered, authors view(s) [if applicable], my view [if applicable] and a summary. From this day (1/24/08) onward.

Wow, I'm such a nerd.

The oddity of life

aka - On another subject all together...

I still wonder about my parents. They never followed up. They havn't tried even once to contact me, or anything. And I don't know how to feel about that.

On one hand, I could be glad that I don't have to work as hard to ignore them. And it does validate the Button Parental Doctrine ('They F***ing SUCK!").

On the other hand... Seriously!? How do you not even respond? What. The. Fuck. ?. Your only son tells you that you broke his heart and he doesn't want to be around you... and you don't even acknowledge it.... fight for him... apoligize... rationalize... argue... something...

On the third hand, do they see me (or more likely Button) as the evil one, doing the wrong? Yes, I'm sure that my mom does. And my dad has the backbone of a weekling amoeba... (ok, I can spell amoeba but not dilema?)

I dunno... I'm confused.

Oh wacky school...

Another Wednesday, another day sitting in class waiting to begin.

Entry in Buttony List style:

-I'm really feeling good. I don't know how or why my mood works, but I need to figure it out and get some control over my melancholy feelings. I don't know how exactly to do that though.


-So far, school is going well. I'm really in it this semester though. This is real this time, which isn't to say that last semester was not, or that my awesome grades were not, but this semester is more like what I was expecting. Hell, we even learned the first night of Pre-C. I was overjoyed.

-Work is still assbackwards, but oh well. I did sort of relate the idea of the prisoner delima (ok, so I really can't spell that currently..) to work.

-Button seems to be doing ok. I just worry that she will let herself get worn down. She needs to start worrying about that more. But I think she really likes her job, co-workers non-withstanding, which is really good.

Weekends of Joy

We get such little time together these days, Button and I. But when we do get time together, I'm glad we're able to spend together and enjoy each others company as much as we do. I always wonder if this is how other couples spend their time, how they live, and I realize I don't care. I love my life just as it is.

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Day one.. all over again

So, this is semester the second. Already off to a brighter and better future than Semester The First did.

Chem Lab - Got Nate as a lab partner. Our TA has the awesomest african accent. This should be a really fun class.

Chem 121a - The freaking lecture hall was packed. I mean, just packed. This also looks like a good class, although its going to be a total repackage of what I just got done with last semester, but whatevs.

Pols 112 - I am equal parts looking forward to and dreading this class. Parts of it are going to freaking drag for me as total over-recall, and some is going to be cool. I like my teacher, he seems really interested and dynamic.

So now I'm waiting for Math.

So far, so good. Only philosophy tomorrow to go for new classes after this.

New starts to the same old things...

I picked up my textbooks for the upcoming semester. And... I really hope I don't have to spend too much time back tracking in Chem and PreC. That would really blow.